“A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies. The man who never reads lives only one.”
George R. R. Martin
A Caustic Collection of Donald J. Trump’s Very Important Letters
After crashing his way to the presidency with the subtlety of a sledgehammer, Donald J. Trump was now faced with tackling the most important job stretched out before him during the next four years: proving he was indeed magnificent.
There had to be a way for this great and powerful titan of titans to separate himself from the rest, and exhibit how a man’s man, a genuine hero, and an off-the-charts genius carried himself.
So incorporating the masterful skills he honed as a razor-sharp orator along 2016’s brutal Campaign Trail of Fears, he decided he would write letters, and not just any letters. No, these would be positively stuffed with powerful, masterful prose and Jeffersonian in weight. They would be Very Important Letters.
Armed with only a nuclear-powered typewriter, the vocabulary of a true giant and a yet unseen command of centuries and centuries of history and perspective, the very important man wrote his very important letters to chronicle his very important, if not very improbable, presidency.
Sitting with me on a freshly-stripped and torched new Cadillac Eldorado convertible, Gem tosses her lustrous, dark auburn hair from side to side and offers a toast to the chaos and carnage that have enveloped the Kensington neighborhood of North Philadelphia.
“Welcome to the American underworld, Robbs, in its entire rancid, horrific splendor. You’re witnessing the fall of a modern day Roman Empire and punks like us have the soundtrack for its destruction.”